A soapbox of various madnesses this month. I was very kindly given a new coffee machine, which uses those little pellets of prepacked grounds. Out for a long walk in my shorts and tee shirt, I passed a refill shop so thought I’d go in to get some extra ristretto. I wish someone had warned me that I should have been wearing a suit and tie. 

Above the racks of coffees I saw the words Grand Crus, as if they were selling Dom Perignon. In the corner was a couple sniffing and tasting coffee and talking intensely with a staff member about froth. We’ve come a long way from the horrible pigs-droppings instant coffee I had as a child, but maybe we’ve gone too far the other direction with this apotheosis of the bean. What next? A Grand Crus Water Shop with special blends of Himalayan mountain water and Balinese rainforest dew?

In my second madness I have to report that I almost received my third fine as a jaywalker. The first was in Brisbane about eight years ago. The second took place a few months back in the company...